Preparation Ouch

Okay, every woman who’s ever been pregnant knows about this.  People who suffer from a chronic lack of eating fiber know too.  A friend of mine who shall remain nameless also knows about it.  And it is for her that I’m posting this. It’s a recipe I developed some time ago and have (cough cough) had reason to refine over the years and pregnancies.  One of those things they don’t tell you before you have the baby. (And for God’s sake, who has time for a “sitz bath”??)

(And if you’re the woman who’s done pregnancy and childbirth who didn’t get hemorrhoids, don’t even tell me, because I’d have to resent you thoroughly.)

Okay, I’m not going to go through the whole diagnosis/pile types/descriptions/various ickiness here; you can do your own bloody Google search. (Er…no pun intended.)

This post is for my easy do-it-yourself recipe to relieve and/or shrink the dreaded horrid things.  Recipes, actually–two different ones, both pretty good. In my unfortunately informed opinion.  I call them both “Preparation Ouch.”

Recipe I (liniment):

In a small clean bottle, combine about 4 oz. witch hazel, 40 drops lavender essential oil, 20-30 drops cypress essential oil, and 20 drops roman chamomile essential oil.  Shake well. As needed, soak a cotton pad and…well…apply. (The witch hazel, which you can get from any pharmacy, and the cypress oil, will shrink the blood vessels and make the things back off.  The lavender and chamomile are very soothing and will help with pain relief.) Always shake before use!

Recipe II (salve):

In a pyrex measuring cup, measure about 2 tbs. of some solid oil or oils–any combination of beeswax, coconut oil, cocoa or shea butter, something like that. Add some liquid oil, preferably olive oil, to make a total of 1/2 cup (4 fl. oz.). Melt over double boiler or very carefully microwave until the solids are melted.  Stir well with a chopstick until it’s well mixed. Add 40 drops lavender essential oil, 20-30 drops cypress essential oil, and 20 drops roman chamomile essential oil.  Stir very well till fully mixed.  Pour into small clean container (tupperware even works fine for this, or little jars leftover from something else you already used) and refrigerate until solid.

That’s it! Really very easy.  The liniment (witch hazel) version is quicker and good for more immediate relief; the salve lasts longer and has more time to do its thing.  Wouldn’t hurt to have both of them around.

Regarding the essential oils–you can buy them in a lot of places, including probably your local Whole Foodsy kind of place.  If not there, Mountain Rose Herbs and Natures Gift sell really good essential oils.  Lavender oil is one that’s just good to have around anyway, since it’s good for so many things; for this recipe the cypress oil is the key ingredient, and the others are just for added effect, so if you don’t feel like springing for the chamomile, it’ll still work.  And while cypress isn’t exactly one of the cheapest of the oils, you can get a small container of it–remember you use these things by the drop, so even half an ounce goes a really long way!

So…sit well and prosper.

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Posted on April 24, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I always hated how they make you take the sitz bath home. Like I was really going to do it again once I got home from the hospital. With my last baby, I tried leaving it in the bathroom, and the “helpful” nurse was like, “Here you go, honey, you donj’t want to forget this!” Um, yes, I do…Your recipe sounds much better.

  2. greenmomintheburbs

    Oh, I know! We took the damn thing home and it just SAT there for months. (I don’t think I used it in the hospital either.)

    Now, that plastic 2 quart pitcher thing they gave us in an effort to make sure we stayed all hydrated–THAT I used for months.

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